~Survival Tips~Mom Edition~

1. JESUS ~ If you don't have him in your life, then get HIM. If you don't know where to find HIM, then a good place to start is on your knees. I'm not gonna go all Holy roller on you about this. I'll just leave you with this.~ The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. ~ Proverbs 14 :1 NKJV

2. GOOGLE ~ If I could only recommend 1 more survival tip. It would definitely be GOOGLE. I freaking GOOGLE everything. You can find all kinds of info on anything and save yourself time and money. Something, all moms need more of. Seriously, you can search anything like : How far is it to the moon & back? Where to find best prices for anything, find family friendly restaurants in your area, check to see if there are there any registered sex offenders in your neighborhood, or How to get permanent sharpie ink off your antique furniture, homework help, what to feed the baby squirrel your kid brought home, etc... It is absolutely the best tool for anybody. It is always available 24/7. It doesn't require registration, login, username, or password. You don't have to wait for the pediatricians office to open up or for a nurse to return your call. You don't get asked to choose English or Spanish or talk to someone named Peggy (who sounds like she is in Bangladesh and speaks little English.). It is discreet. You won't have to worry about looking or feeling like an idiot @ the pediatricians office for asking so many stupid questions. WARNING: If you are pregnant and you are thinking of devising a birth plan. DO NOT use GOOGLE or the Internet for that purpose. Please discuss formulating a birth plan with your OBGYN &/or healthcare provider. Unless, you want your birth plan to include: a labor as hot and long as the 4th of July in the south, sitting on a exercise ball, trying to push a bowling ball out of your ass, all while your husband is sitting around singing Kumbaya and playing with your nipples with this woman (you found on GOOGLE) who YOU paid good money to help you devise this ridiculous birth plan & then stand over you and make you follow it, pissing off all the nurses, who have the drugs you are now in desperate need of, ending with c-section, then taking home your placenta and making beef jerky out of it.  And, if you think I'm full of Sugar, then Sugar, you can just GOOGLE it. Also, if you or your kids are sick and you are not sure if you are in need of medical attention. For heaven's sake get the heck off of the Internet and go see a doctor.  Now, that being said, it IS acceptable & a good idea to GOOGLE (not stalk) your OBGYN or healthcare provider, or the daycare &/or babysitter that you are considering using, or that dipshitiot psychiatrist that refused to give you anymore nerve pills until you had extensive & expensive therapy to get to the root of your issues. ADDITIONAL WARNING: Only trust information from trusted sites.  If you don't have google on your mobile phone, then get it. There is an app for that. it is also good idea to bookmark common sites or pages you find helpful (Like The Pink Butterfly Blogs).

TO BE CONTINUED...........